You're my little dorito
Don't make out with my wife yet
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
