i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
