Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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