I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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