At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
