no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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