I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
