I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
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