come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
