So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
