Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature