They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.