I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...