I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe isn't a time...
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.