when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids