i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
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I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
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I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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