omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I just googled if crying burns calories
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
