alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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