We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
