my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
