make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
