Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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