You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
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I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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