she looked like the bat from fern gully.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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