Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
