I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
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