I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
