I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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