I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
