i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Someone signed my nipple.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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