if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
