It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
