the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
