i just google imaged poop.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
