U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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