I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
