He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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