Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
