hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize