yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
