Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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