quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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