but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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