batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
