im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
