my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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