wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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