Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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