i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Bring me that man meat
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
