i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
