I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
