I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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