Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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