just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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