i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
