hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
false alarm. still invincible.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
