I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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