Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
