You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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