I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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