She's JV to your varsity
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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