I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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