So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
