THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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