Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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