i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
