Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
