It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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