he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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