The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
