i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
