she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
