I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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