So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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